The perfect Christmas
by Solanacea
Summary: Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! This may come a little late but the Christmas spirit caught me a little late this year. Max and Logan spend their first Christmas together, decorating a tree and growing closer...M/L all the way!


**Disclaimer:**I don't own the characters, but this is my story. 

This may come a little late, but Christmas spirit caught me a little late this year. Hope you enjoy it anyway! 

**The perfect Christmas**

Logan was sitting in front of the tree Bling had bought for him and put up in one corner of his living room.   
He had searched the back of his closet for the old cardboard box in which he kept the decorations. Inside there were all the leftovers from the Christmases he had spent with his parents a long time ago, before fate seemed to turn against him and destroyed everything and everybody he loved and cared for. 

But this Christmas he wouldn't be alone. He would have someone by his side, someone he cared for and trusted more than he had for a long time now. Someone, he hoped felt only a little bit of what he felt for her. 

Logan smiled at himself for being so sentimental, but Christmas always hit him hard when it came to emotions and memories of his former life. The last year had been hard on him, losing Peter, loosing his legs, almost losing the people who had relied and depended on him. Struggling to get back to his life, trying to adjust- still far from entirely accept being confined to a wheelchair. But he was glad he had found a good friend in Bling and of course Max, who had shown up shortly after he had come home from rehab. Whatever had driven her to visit him again,- whether it had been guilt, pity, curiosity, personal motivation-,he hoped that their relationship had grown beyond that with all the time they had spend together, all the difficult and dangerous cases they had gone through. 

Logan opened the box and looked inside. He saw the old decorations each of which had its own story, some of the pieces were dirty or broken with some paint coming off at the edges. But every little thing held some memories of his childhood and of the time they had been a happy family. He picked up the star that had always crowned the top of the tree. It had always been the best part to be the one to put the star on the tree-top, to round off the perfect decoration. At least in the eyes of a child it had been perfect. His dad had always lifted him up to the top of the tree, so he could reach and put the star up there. He had been excited every year to see if he could reach the treetop on his own. Logan smiled a sad smile at the thought. Contemplating, he realised that now he was tall enough to reach, but he could not get to the top anyway. 

He frowned and threw the star back into the box. _Even too pathetic to decorate a tree, let alone get one in the first place! _he thought. Maybe he had let himself get carried away a little too much with those old and nostalgic memories. After all Christmas would never be like it had been before. Not for him or anybody else after the pulse and everything the pulse had brought along. _There is no way of getting back to your old innocent self anyway stupid! _,he thought. _I'll try and make the best of it anyway!_he reassured himself. _At least for Max' sake._ He had set his mind to the idea of showing Max what a real nice pre-pulse Christmas had been about and he wouldn't give up that easily. 

Logan picked up the box with he decoration and put it into his lap. It was so big, he cold hardly see anything as he was wheeling it out of the way and set it down beside the tree. Max would have to work her way through it and do the decorating later wither she wanted or not. 

A soft "pling" from the kitchen indicated that the turkey he had prepared earlier was ready to be sprinkled again. He had had to pull a few strings to get a turkey at all, but there were enough people who owed him a favour. So he would be able to offer Max a decent Christmas dinner. His mood lighting up a little, he moved to the kitchen to finish the preparations for the meal. 

Max pushed her bike into her apartment, leaving a trail of dirt and mud behind her. Original Cindy looked up from her cup of steaming coffee. Max had brought home a small package from one of her latest night-time trips. 

"Hey boo, you're home finally! most of us went home early afternoon!" OC greeted her. Max mumbled something about being held up by the sector police and started to peel off her wet clothes.   
"Want some hot coffee? This stuff's real good. Keeps your spirit up in this messy weather." Cindy asked. "Look, I even found some candles and Christmas decoration!" She waved her mug in the direction of a blinking chain of kitchy bright green plastic Christmas trees that she had hung from the pipes in one corner of the room. 

Max smirked and threw off her wet jacket.   
"This thing is going to cause another brownout, y' know. Probably eats up all the energy of the whole sector." She kicked off her boots and went straight to her room, closing the door behind her a little louder than she had intended to. OC sat there, mug in hand and shook her head at her roommate's bad mood. She stood up and walked over to Max' door intending to cheer her up, when the door flew open and Max brushed past her.   
"Shit I got nothing to wear! I'm supposed to be at Logan's in half an hour and I don't even have any clean underwear! Damn it! What am I supposed to do now?"  
OC smiled at Max' rage, biting down the suggestion that was lying on her tongue. She knew this was probably not the right time to make a smart remark like that. Instead she wordlessly turned and went straight to her room, only to come back with a small package wrapped in tin foil, draped with a bow made from a piece of red plastic clothes-line. Displaying her broadest smile she held out the present to Max.  
"Maybe my gift will come handy then." She said. Max was dumbstruck.   
"I thought we agreed that we don't get into the present thing,? Now I don't have anything for you!"   
"Well, that coffee is present enough. Will keep me awake tonight, when Herbal gets to his usual 'It's Christmas, everything's good, let's be happy' talk." She rolled her eyes to emphasise her statement. Max grinned   
"So you're spending Christmas Eve with all the others at Crash?"   
"What else am I to do, gal? My boo is leaving me all alone to spend the Eve with her man, so what shall I do? Sit around here alone and be bored?" 

Suddenly Max felt the urge to spend the night with her friends at Crash. This whole Christmas thing was not for her anyway.   
"Maybe I could talk Logan into coming to Crash later..." she mused."I'm not in the mood for Christmas anyway..." 

But OC wasn't going to let her get away with that.  
"Don't be stupid girl! Your man's waiting for you, probably preparing a perfect Christmas dinner just for you and you dare think about hanging out at Crash instead...?"  
"..But he is NOT my man, Cindy, we..."  
"Are not like that? Who are you trying to fool here? Cut it out! You open your package now and then get your ass over there, where you belong!" OC stood there in front of Max, hands on her hips, with an expression on her face that wouldn't allow any objection. 

Reluctantly, Max dropped down on the sofa and ripped open the tin foil. She exposed a silky shimmering piece of cloth -TWO to be accurate. Max was speechless. OC was giving her underwear for Christmas? What should she make of that?   
"No offence, boo." She heard her say. "I just thought that you could use something nice to wear, given that you have been spending the nights over at Logan's more frequently recently..."she trailed off, displaying a dirty grin on her face.   
Max punched her friend in the side, for that remark. "I told you that...", she exclaimed, but OC calmed her instantly:  
"Just kidding. But you have to admit that it really comes handy!" she added. 

Finally Max smiled. "Thanks Cindy" Max gave her a quick hug.   
"Merry Christmas...I wish I had something as nice for you, too..."   
"It's okay sweetie, just hurry up, or you'll be late for dinner." Cindy smiled. 

Meanwhile Logan was putting the finishing touches to his meal. Having everything prepared and in place he wheeled over to the dining area adding two long red candles to the perfectly arranged table._That should do._, he thought, satisfied with himself. This Christmas was going to be perfect or at least as perfect as it could be. 

Looking at his watch he realised that he would have to hurry, if he wanted to take a shower before his guest would arrive. Thinking about Max as his guest seemed strange and something told him that tonight-given the unusual circumstances, the official dinner invitation, the Christmas spirit hanging in the air and the fact that this evening would be entirely work free-anything could happen. Logan was in his best mood, whistling Christmas carols and trying to ignore the strange feeling of suspense and excitement in his stomach. This evening was going to be special. 

Standing in front of Logan's door Max nervously stepped from one foot to another, adjusting her shoulder-free black sweater, while she waited for Logan to open up. It felt strange to ring the door bell. She was used to picking the lock. But tonight she thought it would be more appropriate to wait for Logan to answer her. 

She heard the soft sound of rubber against the wooden floor inside the apartment. Seconds later Logan flung the door open, beaming at her with the broadest smile on his face she had ever seen. Even the little wrinkles on his forehead were entirely gone for now. Logan was wearing a bordeaux coloured turtle neck sweater and elegant black pants. His hair was spiked up like always but it was less dishevelled than usual. And-Max couldn't believe it at first-he was clean-shaven. With her heightened senses she could even smell his after-shave lotion that was still lingering in the air. Through her thoughts Max heard Logan say something, which snapped her back to reality: 

"...or are you going to stand there looking me up and down all night?"   
Max felt her face blush a little at the realisation that she must have been staring at him a little too long, for him to go unnoticed.   
"Hi!" she quickly said, "Nice outfit."   
Logan grinned:"Thanks. Same to you. Want to come in now?" he added moving a bit to the side to let her step past him, closing the door behind her. Slowly Max regained her usual posture, striding towards the kitchen curious to find out what it was that was smelling so heavenly.  
"Hope you have prepared enough for dinner. I haven't eaten a thing since breakfast and I'm starving!"  
Logan followed her to the kitchen. "What do you think? Will a medium sized turkey be enough for the two of us?" he teased.  
"You have a whole turkey? How did you...?"   
"I have my ways" Logan said, still grinning from one ear to another. "But before we eat," he pronounced, "I have a job for you!" 

Max' face fell immediately. What was he talking about? _I thought this was going to be a nice evening with a good meal and nothing to worry about and now it's work again?!_

Logan did his best to keep a straight face while he wheeled past Max towards the living room, motioning her to follow.   
"I just have one little thing I'd like you to do for me, before we can eat." A smile crept to his face, when he saw Max looking around irritated.Logan positioned himself in the middle of the room, set his brakes and pointed towards the big cardboard box next to the tree. Max, still speechless, reluctantly went over and pulled the box from underneath the tree until she had enough room to open it.  
"What's in it?" she asked, eyeing Logan suspiciously.   
"Just open it" was his short answer, sitting there secretly enjoying her confusion. Still not sure what was there to come, Max folded open the flaps of the huge box and peered inside.   
"This is Christmas decoration." she simply stated. She looked at Logan who was still enjoying his little play.   
"That's right,"he teased. So...?"  
"So what?" Max threw back. "You want me to decorate your tree???" she said, not believing that this should be all. Logan threw her an innocent look that made her heart melt.   
"You think you could manage? I would have done it myself, but I suppose this one requires some leg work." he smirked. 

Max picked up the box and walked over to Logan, dropping the box in his lap. "How about we do this together? You do the bottom branches, I'll take care of the upper ones! Let's see who is the better decorator!" 

The two of them worked in silence for about fifteen minutes until the tree was plastered with red and gold and silver bulbs, chains and little angels, trumpets and miniature packages. And at least a hundred candles. Max stepped back to examine their work. 

"Perfect!" she exclaimed, her eyes shining like those of a child.   
"You know, this is the first time I have been doing this?" she said. 

Logan had not thought about that. Of course they didn't have Christmas, let alone Christmas trees at Manticore and what little he knew of Max' life after the escape it hadn't been fun either. He reached into the box and took out the star for the top of the tree.   
"This one is still missing." he said smiling softly at the woman standing before him with red cheeks and shiny eyes. "You want to put this on top? You know, this was always the best part when I was young. Kind of a special honour..."   
He trailed off, avoiding Max gaze, as the bitter sentiments were creeping back to him involuntarily. Sensing his disappointment Max moved a little closer   
"I can't reach the top either." she said, as she took the star from his hand, their fingers slightly touching each other. "  
You wanna help me up?" she added.   
Logan looked up at her in surprise, not knowing, what she meant. But before he knew what was going on, Max was pulling his wheelchair closer to the tree and was carefully shoving his legs to the side so she could put her feet on the seat and climb up to reach the top.   
"Max, what are you doing..." Logan exclaimed. The wheelchair was swaying a little and Max was struggling to keep her balance.   
"How about setting the brakes?" she squeaked as she put her hands on Logan's shoulders to steady herself.   
Logan's confusion was deepened by the view Max position right in front of his face was now offering him. He fastened the brakes and jerked his head up to look into Max' eyes. He saw the eyes of a happy child, eager to round off the good work with the golden glittering star. He smiled back at Max and grabbed her legs to steady her stand, so she could put the star in place. 

Dinner went by calmly. Both Max and Logan were relishing the good food and the company of the other. Only occasionally, Logan would describe an episode of a typical Christmas at home with his parents and Max would listen carefully, not to miss a single detail about how a real Christmas was supposed to be. 

After dinner they moved to the couch, each with a glass of red wine, a very good pre-pulse one. Max looked at the deep red liquid that was glistening in the light of the candles. 

"How about lighting the candles on the tree?" Logan broke the silence, reaching for a pack of matches on the table.   
"Sure" Max said with a smile and stood up. Meanwhile Logan transferred to the couch, making himself comfortable. Then he turned around to watch Max. He felt so relaxed and save that he wished this moment would never end. He saw her light one candle after another and the room slowly filled with a warm golden light. Yeah, this was the right thing, this was how it was supposed to be. Spending Christmas with the one you loved and oh yes, he loved Max. He had loved her pretty much from the first time he had met her, but he had never felt so close to her before. 

Max' mind was spinning. _What is this strange feeling? What do I do here? This whole situation...! It's so... so personal, maybe intimate?...Logan is sharing his own personal Christmas with me. He let's me be part of this. And I like it...It just feels so right... To be here, to do this. To spend the evening with Logan... I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. __But… . _The thoughts in her head were spinning faster and faster. All the light, the flickering candles. The warmth that was filling the room.   
Max felt a little dizzy. _... Where is this going? It's out of control! If I dream this dream any longer it will come crashing down on me, turn into a nightmare and then..._

Max blew out the match and turned around to Logan abruptly, fighting the dizziness inside her head.   
"I don't know Logan. I can't...,"she stuttered, "This is just...it's overwhelming. I think... we should,... maybe it's better if I... ,"  
she trailed off when she saw Logan's face fall with every word she muttered, leaving behind blank disappointment and sadness. He was not even trying to hide it from her.   
"I'm sorry Logan, but I can't..." 

When he turned his head and looked down in his lap she realised what she was about to do. She was about to turn this wonderful moment into a nightmare for both of them. She was about to destroy everything. It was HER who was able to turn everything into a disaster. It was NOT Manticore she had to fear, at least not directly. It was HER and the fears and doubts all the years at Manticore had created deep within her. Feelings she had never been allowed to face, which haunted her and made her run away from everybody who cared and made her hurt the people she loved the most.   
_Yes,_she thought,_the people I love the most..._

She went over to the couch where Logan was sitting head hung, staring at his hands, musing about what he had done wrong to make her back away so suddenly. A lump was forming in his throat and all of the sudden he felt completely stupid for forcing all this glitter, glimmer and happiness on her. He had just wanted her to be happy, but how could he have been so stupid to believe that she, -that both of them- could forget the cruel and broken world outside. 

Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his skin and gently lift his head until his eyes met the eyes of an angel kneeling in front him on the couch, looking at him so warmly that he thought he could feel it in his toes.   
"I'm sorry, Logan" he heard her say. "I'm stupid. I should thank you for all of this.., it's, it's beautiful." Max said, not sure herself what she was going to say or do next.  
"I didn't want to...hurt your feelings... It's just, I guess it was too much for me, all at once...It, well, I suppose it scared me..."she broke off, waiting for Logan's reaction.  
Logan avoided her gaze, again looking down at his hands. He felt relieved but he didn't know what to say, fearing that she would back away again.   
"It's okay," he finally managed to say, "Maybe I just got carried away too much with all this Christmas stuff. I probably thought I could make everything perfect, just for tonight. Just for one day..." he trailed off. 

Max just sat there letting his words sink in.   
"But that's just wishful thinking..." Logan added bitterly.  
Max observed a change in Logan's expression, his jaw-line tightened and she could feel an invisible wall come up, between them. The perfect Christmas Logan had created was slipping away under their hands and she knew if she didn't seize it right now it would probably be gone forever. She reached out for Logan's hand and squeezed it tight.   
"No Logan, it's not! It has been a perfect evening and I hope we can make it end as a perfect one. Thank you for doing this for me."  
With this she leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek, her lips lingering there a little too long for it to be just a friendly smack.   
Logan slowly raised his head, his eyes full of questions and at the same time pleading for more of that tender touch. Max finally fought down her fear and doubt and leaned in for her lips to meet his mouth, taking in the sweet taste of wine still lingering on his lips. Letting go of all her resistance Max' flung her arm around Logan's neck and pulled him closer, as she opened her lips and let her tongue slip into his mouth. She could feel the warmth radiating from him and smell his aftershave, as her nose neared his cheek.  
Max drew away for a second, to get some air. 

"What...are ...we ....doing...?" she panted, her hands reaching out eagerly for Logan's body.   
"I don't know..." he muttered between breaths. "It... just... feels right..." 

He put his hand around Max' neck and shoved away her thick hair. Then he pulled her towards his lips, plunging his tongue into her mouth, playing with her tongue, stroking her neck with his hand. To close the distance between them Max moved over and slid onto Logan's lap, their mouths still firmly interlocked. She slid her hands up and down his chest feeling every contour of his well defined muscles. Logan groaned slightly at her touch. His hands found their way under her sweater, stroking her back, sending chills up and down her spine, with each tender motion of his fingers. He pulled Max as close as he could, his lips now exploring her neckline, trailing down towards her exposed shoulder, covering the line of her collar bone with butterfly-like kisses. Then his mouth moved up again, nibbling at her earlobe, his tongue tracing every shape of her ear. Another shiver went through her making her arch backwards in response to his touch. 

Suddenly Max was happy that Cindy had given her that new set of underwear. She could feel the heat radiating in her body. This was certainly not going the way she had planned it. But it was feeling so good!... So right!... And she had been waiting for this to happen for so long. 

She felt Logan's hands pull up her sweater in one gentle but determined motion and pull it over her head easily. His tongue made its way from her neck down to the place where her breasts met and his hands were shyly caressing her full forms. For a split second Logan looked like a little boy to her, who had just unwrapped a present he had wished for for so long. Max smiled at this thought and leaned in to his touch, finding her way underneath his sweater trailing up his spine in small circles. 

All of the sudden the smooth skin gave way to a thick lump of solid scar tissue underneath her fingers, that spread out a few centimetres alongside Logan's spine. Max drew back in alarm. _Oh my god!_ she thought. _How could I forget...?!_ Sitting here on the couch with Logan, she had totally forgotten about the wheelchair, about his disability. She felt embarrassed and stupid. _I could have hurt him._   
She looked at Logan irritated, but he just smiled at her and said "Go on, it's okay."   
"But does it hurt or something?" Max stuttered.   
Logan shook his head and took her hand in his. He slid their hands under his sweater again, tracing his spine all the way up like Max had done before. He stopped a few centimetres underneath the scar tissue.   
"This is where the feeling stops. It's a strange feeling, quite sensitive there, but it does not hurt."   
He smiled at her quizzical look. Then he slid her hand around to his chest and slowly moved it down stopping a few centimetres above his belly-button.   
"And here." he added, drawing a line from one side of his body to the other with Max' fingers. Max just sat there with her hand still on Logan's stomach staring at the man in front of her. She was surprised by the way Logan dealt with this situation and at the same time deeply shocked at what he had just told her. _I never thought, the feeling stopped so high!_she thought to herself._ Actually I never really thought about the sensation part for a second. I just thought it was about walking or not walking. Oh my God, what an ignorant idiot I have been!_ Max cursed herself. She had been too preoccupied with herself and finding her siblings as to think a minute about how difficult it had to be for Logan to deal with his situation. Logan's words on her first encounter after the shooting flashed through her mind. 

_"no pain..."..."that's the good thing about spinal chord injury..."_ How could she have missed the bitter sarcasm that had been filling his words. Max felt tears well up in her eyes. She looked down at their laps, struck by the thought that Logan couldn't even feel her on top of him.   
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice almost a whisper. Logan tilted her head up with his hand.   
"Don't be. There's no reason for that."   
"Even if I keep forgetting that myself every so often" he added with smile. 

Max leaned forward to embrace him in a big hug. 

"I love you Logan, do you know that?" she sighed. 

"I love you too Max, I always have." he replied burying his face in her hair inhaling her sweet scent.


End file.
